Everyone gets mad. The anger we feel towards loved ones or friends may start as simple irritation, but from there, it can become an anger that is so strong it can cause you to say or do things that can severely damage a relationship. Too often, the damage done is permanent, and cannot be undone.
Here are five steps you can take to ensure your relationship isn’t lost or damaged due to the anger you feel.
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As soon as you feel the anger starting to build, close your mouth. No matter what the other person says to push your buttons, do not verbally engage. Take some deep breaths, and then calmly tell the other person who you are angry with that you want to work this out and talk about it, but that you need an hour or so to pull yourself and your thoughts on the matter together first.
Go for a walk and feel free to stomp your feet for the entire walk. Try going to the gym and work out. Go clean out the garage or the spare closet you’ve been avoiding. Use your anger in a productive way. Anger produces adrenaline. Make good use of that excess energy and simply do not think about the argument for a little while.
Do not drag other people into the argument you are having with someone if you can avoid it. Including third parties usually only serves to make the situation worse. The only exception to this rule is if you are seeking counselling from a professional or your spiritual leader.
What caused your anger, and how you need to express yourself to the person you were angry with. Get it all straight in your head before you face the person you are angry with again. Write it down if you need to. While you are thinking about how you see the situation, try to see the other person’s point of view as well. Does the other person have a valid point?
Never make the mistake of not coming back to the argument. You could both ignore it and act like nothing happened, but the situation will invariably rear its ugly head again. It is best to work things out sooner rather than later. Make sure you listen twice as much as you talk. Your friend or loved one also has thoughts and feelings on the matter at hand. They want and need to be heard just as much as you want to be heard.
If possible, you should memorise these steps so you can quickly employ them when the anger hits. Irritation, anger and full-blown rage are feelings every human experiences at certain times throughout life. Be prepared and do not allow those feelings to have a negative impact on any of your relationships. Your relationships are too important, and it is vital that you remember that being right may not be as important as maintaining your relationship.
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By Dana grigg
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